I’m not exactly sure how I can go about delivering to you my viewpoint on balance, because my life is not exactly in balance. At times I find myself in emotional ruts, or filled with an anxious energy so intense that I stifle myself because I am completely oblivious about how to release it. Sometimes I don’t eat for an entire day. Sometimes I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. Sometimes I am as happy as can be. Sometimes I feel like I have direction. Sometimes, all I want to do is play Skyrim all day. Sometimes, all I want to do is write music, or poetry. Sometimes I want to fall in love – sometimes the thought of doing so scares the crap out of me. Sometimes I feel like I know what I want from life, and sometimes I’m stuck wondering if what I want from life is really what I want from life.
So take all of that, and a whole bunch of other human-experience dynamics, and then toss in college, a job, social life, relationships, having children – being involved with your family, hobbies, etc. How is it that some people make it look as easy as cutting your way out of a wet paper bag with scissors, while the rest of us struggle with it like a monkey trying to figure out a rubix cube.
Throughout my life – with all of my experience (for what it’s worth), I eventually stumbled upon the idea that there is a rhythm to how the universe works. If you can imagine for a moment, two circles – one large circle, with a smaller one inside of it. Around the circumference of each circle rotates a metallic orb. Let’s say that both of these orbs started rotating clockwise when the universe was created. Both orbs started out rotating in sync with each other, but over time they eventually fell out of sync, and now they rotate independently – disconnected from the other. Even more time passes, and eventually again, they rotate in sync. Now, let’s take this concept, still connected to the rhythm of the universe mind you, and apply it to birth. When a child is born, it is born at a certain moment in the rotation of both orbs. The child may be born when both of the orbs are in sync, or the child may be born when both of the orbs are out of sync. In any event, over time - one way or the other, the orbs find themselves in sync somewhere along the course of this child’s life – more than once or twice, perhaps even dozens of times.
Just for the sake of this blog though, let’s say that this child is born when the orbs are in sync. Of course, the orbs being in sync with each other is a stellar sign, indicating a moment of opportunity, luck, or balance. A child born when the orbs are out of sync, might find themselves waiting until a little bit further in life to come across the same boons. In concept, whether you understand what I am saying or not, there are moments of connectivity in our lives – when everything seems to come together – in tune with the rhythm of the universe. I know this doesn’t exactly explain how to balance one’s life, but stay with me, I’m getting there.
Picture if you will, the possibility that these orbs can rotate in sync, more often than not for a certain period of time, or even out of sync – more often than not for a certain period of time. When you are born into the cycle of the rotating orbs, it is possible that you may find yourself either at one end, or the other of these certain periods of connectivity. You could be born into a period where the orbs only connect once in your entire life, or never connect at all – which leads me to the next portion of this concept…the lives we are born into.
Some of us are born into rich, vibrant lives with loving families that challenge, educate, and chisel our development through to our adult years. The environment is filled with a multitude of experiences ranging from elite social connections, to traveling the world – learning about new, and different cultures. Some of us are born into poor, dark lives with abusive parents who choked our development. The environment is filled with a multitude of experiences that could lead to us being anti-social, un-educated, and destitute. Now, I am speaking in general terms here – I am not at all saying that a child born into poverty will not experience amazingly beautiful things, or that a child born into opulence will not experience pain, and hurt. It all leads back to the rotating orbs – the rhythm of the universe, which I’m tying directly into the environments that we developed in as children – connecting directly into the course our lives take.
You see, balance is not an innate skill. It is not an instinct of survival that we are all born with – that to have balance is an essential key to supporting, and prolonging life. Many of us have had extremely successful, yet extremely out of balance lives – while on the other hand, many of us have had very crappy, yet very well balanced lives. Balance is a skill learned – a skill more primarily learned through the perception of one’s environment. Consider the influence upon a child by a father who works hard, comes home to enjoy time with his family, and always has a smile on his face. He maintains a routine fitness regiment, does chores around the house, plays basketball with the fellas every Tuesday, takes the kids to the park every Monday and Wednesday, has date-night with his wife every Friday, spends Thursday attending a college course online, and Sunday – tying up the loose ends of the all the little things that mean so much, but you never see daddy do. Now take that, and weigh it up against the influence upon a child by a father who goes to work, comes home and bitches about the job, then sits down on the couch and watches Sports Center for the rest of the night. He rarely ever spends time with his children, the passionate and romantic bond he once had with his wife has been reduced to watching the ol’tube in separate rooms, and he has become complacent with his life – no longer looking for ways to improve it. Once again, I am not saying that either of these scenarios is static, but consider which child is more likely to understand the concept of maintaining a balanced life.
“This is all interesting, but how does this give me an idea of how to maintain balance in my own life” – especially when you have absolutely no balance. Well, we haven’t come to that point yet. What I’ve written above, in some form or fashion, was mostly to explain the difference between a person cutting their way out of a wet paper bag with scissors, and a monkey trying to figure out a rubix cube. Now that we have got that out of the way – let’s talk about your life.
Your life is screwed. You have, by some manner of idiotic scheduling, involved yourself in many various activities. You work full time, you’re a parent full time (unfortunately, I don’t have children – so I may not be able to properly put myself in a parent’s shoes), you’re taking four classes in college: two online, and two on campus, you’ve signed up for the book club, let’s just throw in that you’re a single parent who is involved in an intimate relationship with a new boyfriend/girlfriend, you’ve planned to attend certain meetings and functions which support your social life throughout the week, and you also write music as a hobby – you’re really good at it too. So much is happening that you can’t possibly meet the agenda of commitments you have laid out before you. You begin canceling dates with friends – or simply blowing them off, you neglect time with your children because you have an essay due, you’ve become inspired to write a new song suddenly on the same night you planned to spend time with your significant other, the social gatherings you usually attend miss your presence because, since you decided to write a song one night, you’ve now rescheduled with your significant other – along with a whole plethora of other head-butting scheduling that…holy shit-balls-Batman! You just want to shut the front door on the entire world and let it all go for a moment. Man, how in the hell did this all happen. Well, unfortunately for you -> the person reading this for some sort of advice – I really cannot help you. I can’t help you, because your life is not my life – and both of our lives are way out of balance.
What I can do is offer some words of wisdom – that are more of the “do as I say, not as I do” variety. You see, if you’ve never had the opportunity to learn balance from your environment, then of course, you have to get it from somewhere else. If you really seek to have balance in your life, then you really, really, have to want to have balance in your life – simple and plain. So where is the somewhere else you get it from, if not from your environment…well, you get it from you. The first few key ingredients that you’re going to need are trust, honesty, and integrity. Now, integrity – that’s an interesting word isn’t it. I mean, we all understand the ideas of honesty and trust (well, not all of us – you know who you are), but many of us have no idea what integrity is, or what it means to have it. See, integrity is the glue – that you are complete along the lines of your own moral code and ethics. Without integrity, you really can’t bond with things like trust and honesty.
So, in terms of balance – let’s talk about trust first. Trust can either come now, or later – you decide. Either way, you’re going to have to trust in yourself, the limits to which you can handle your daily life. Don’t pile a bunch of stuff on your plate if you cannot trust that by the end of the meal, the plate will be clean. Friends of mine have often said to me that because I’m single with no children, I should be getting myself involved in a many variety of things – from further education, to writing this blog. That’s all well and good, and I really appreciate their vote of confidence in that direction, but I don’t involve myself in a many variety of things because I don’t trust myself to succeed in all ventures by spreading myself too thin. I feel that if I have too much going on, that I will eventually sputter out, and fail at one thing or another – and I don’t get myself into things so I can fail at them. You have got to trust that you can handle your schedule in order to balance it. Do not unconsciously continue to add, and add, and add things to your schedule just because they seem interesting – be disciplined in what you choose to involve yourself in…not impulsive. Formulate a direction of sure success by taking on only that which you know you will succeed at.
We often find ourselves feeling out of balance because we have over-loaded our schedules, and we begin to fail our priorities, and ourselves. This is the point where you must be honest. If you have to cancel a commitment, don’t blow it off…be honest about the situation – why you will not be able to attend. This helps alleviate the pressure of failure, if even failure at all – that may come as a result of a missed success. Be honest with yourself as well, before adding to your schedule – is this really something I’m interested in enough, that I won’t flake out at the last moment. Society likes to maneuver us in certain directions – that we must be a part of the next big thing, or get involved in something that you imagine is beyond cool – that none of your other friends are involved in…then you attend once and it’s friggin’ stupid. Somehow, though, you’ve committed to an entire three months of this crap-fest before you even knew what the hell it was about. Not only that, you got one of your friends to get involved too, and it just so happens that what you think is trash – is their treasure…go figure. Now every night of the beyond cool occasion, your friend is turning your cell phone into a car-alarm because you won’t answer the call to go. Just pick up the phone and tell them that beyond cool sucks, and you never wanted to be beyond cool in the first place – you know, because you thought you might like it but you didn’t do the proper research, and unfortunately you won’t be able to attend…then suggest someone you know that is as strange as this person to go with them instead. Buddy systems rule!
Finally, we get to integrity – the glue. It’s simple really, if you truly know who you are, what you like, and what you’re about – balancing your life should not be a problem. If your own moral code and ethics are complete, I don’t believe you will act in such an undisciplined manner, as to over-populate your life with scheduling options you simply can’t uphold the bargain of. Take some time to really figure out what you want to do. Don’t enter into anything without doing the research that is anything less than extremely interesting to you. Strive to be yourself in all of your dealings, especially when you’re dealing with…wait for it…yourself!
I may not be talking specifically about how trust, honesty, and integrity relate to each of the dynamics I listed above that encompass your screwed up, unbalanced life. But the idea is to apply these efforts where ever they are applicable – and I’d assume they are applicable for pretty much all of those specifics. Plan it out – don’t make decisions in haste. Weigh the factors towards success – not in terms of piling more things in, to get more things done, in a shorter amount of time. Is it really worth having so much going on in your life if you fail at one thing or another? A balanced life is not filled with chaos. If the chaos has presented itself by matter of what you simply must do to live – then once again, plan it out. Become the discipline that you wish were present in order to maintain a more balanced life. Nothing should ever be “up-in-the-air”. The future cannot be predicted, of course, things will happen…problems will blossom from the damp soil of the earth like a Venus fly-trap – but…but, if your planning is precise there is always a work around; a plan B. Maintaining balance is also about leaving windows open – keeping your schedule in a format that is relaxed, so when problems do arise, they can be handled effectively without stress. If you’re connecting too many things together throughout the course of a day…how can you fix that flat-tire without being late to your child’s elementary school recital? Be disciplined – don’t be late. Allow yourself enough time to get the stuff you need to get done…done, and save everything else for the bonus time acrued at the end of each day. There is a rhythm to the universe. As much chaos as there is to be witnessed in the universe – we can’t help but admire the wondrous beauty of its complete balance. Emulate, and do like-wise.
If I did not touch on everything that you’re looking to gain from this article…well, I can use to learn a little bit of this strange concept called balance also. I can only have faith that what I did touch on will help some of you out, and lead others to their own conclusions – which is a beautiful thing in its own right. Until next time, please don’t forget to comment and reply if you’re feeling compelled, and remember – Life is Universal.
-Frank
